


Hold Me without Touch, Keep Me without Chains

by jusrecht



Series: In Harmony [8]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 23:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5311727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jusrecht/pseuds/jusrecht
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kyuhyun woke up to the sound of drumming rain and an empty bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me without Touch, Keep Me without Chains

**Author's Note:**

> Finally, the last of this series :D I started this knowing practically zero about Kijoon and now, well orz Anyway, enjoy this final part, people, and thank you for shipping this ridiculous but adorable pair with me \o/
> 
> Title comes from a gorgeous Sara Bareilles' song, _Gravity_.  
> 

  


Kyuhyun woke up to the sound of drumming rain and an empty bed.

Chill teased his naked skin. The sun had set, Kyuhyun noticed as sleep-laced eyes swept across the room, lingering at familiar corners, at pieces of himself strewn about the place. The bedroom had become familiar to him, yet not in such a way that his heart no longer skipped a beat when he realised where he was, in whose bed he was all sprawled, drowsy and content. 

Kyuhyun grabbed a T-shirt and a fresh pair of boxers, and then padded outside. He found Kijoon sitting in the couch, head cushioned on the high back rest, legs propped by the coffee table in front of him. The television was on, spilling brightness and colours in the dim-lit room but offering no sound. Half of his face was hidden in shadows' arms, but the half Kyuhyun could see was pensive, a trace resigned.

He spent long minutes watching his lover from the bedroom door, fierce emotions swelling and tearing inside him, so much that it physically hurt. For the first time in his life, Kyuhyun discovered that loving someone could be this terrifying.

It was Kijoon who looked up first and noticed him standing there, in the shroud of darkness. A soft ‘hey’, then a flash of a smile, bright enough to beckon at Kyuhyun like a moth to a flame.

“You look glum,” Kyuhyun heard himself say as soon as he had curled in the same couch, an arm’s length away. 

Kijoon only stared at him for a long moment, his gaze unreadable. Kyuhyun was starting to fidget when a hand reached across the distance to stroke his cheek.

“God, I love you.”

Kyuhyun blushed. He doubtfully considered his bed hair, his drowsy eyes, his pillow face, and forced himself to disregard the tiny, absurd pinpricks of happiness which nevertheless stormed his chest at the quiet declaration. 

“I feel like this is heading somewhere unpleasant,” he tried for lightness instead. 

Kijoon chuckled but did not answer. His hand remained on Kyuhyun's cheek, a thumb tracing the gentle curve of his jaw. 

“I was just thinking about the future,” he finally admitted.

“Ah.”

“It used to be a lot simpler, in a way.” 

“You mean with a woman,” Kyuhyun said, mouth suddenly dry.

“Yes.” The hand fell away, now lying purposeless on the couch, and only then did Kyuhyun realise how cold the room was. “With a woman, you date her, and once you think you’re sure, you buy a ring and ask her to marry you. Then you walk down the aisle and build a family that is your own. There’s this certain path that you know you’re going to follow.

“But it’s not like that when you’re dating a man.” Kijoon sighed, his gaze moving away, staring at a distance. “It’s just… lately it feels like I can’t see my future ahead of me.”

Kyuhyun blinked, swallowing the bitterness in his mouth. “You’re regretting this,” he stated, and if a quiver shook the tail-end of his words, then there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.

Kijoon’s eyes immediately returned to him, nailing him with their intensity. “You’re precious to me, Kyuhyun-ah.” His tone was firm, almost sternly so. “Don’t you ever doubt that.”

Kyuhyun bit down a scoff. The words of reproach, or the tone, or the direction this conversation was obviously heading, stirred his indignation. “I don’t,” he retorted, unable to keep his emotions fully in check. “I know you love me, but the fact is, love is rarely enough for anything in this world, isn't it?”

There was a tense pause as Kijoon regarded him silently, warring emotions shadowing his closed expression. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t know.” Kyuhyun bit the inside of his lips, so hard that a sharp metallic tang spread across his tongue. Even in the onslaught of misery there was a lack of surprise which only made him feel hollow. He had seen this coming; perhaps not all that consciously, but he always knew, deep down, that this day would arrive. 

And now it had. 

Neither of them spoke for a long time. Only the rain outside and the thudding chaos inside him spread over the silence. A fitting background to an end—which was ridiculously arbitrary thought, and yet he seized it, clinging to it all the same to shield himself from the rest. 

“Hyung,” Kyuhyun heard himself say, after what felt like an eternity. “If I asked, _can I stay_ , what would you say?”

Kijoon looked at him then, the most solemn he had ever seen. The numbness which had spread down to his fingertips froze and cracked and oh God, he was not ready for this—screw all his knowing and seeing it coming from miles away, he was not, he could _never_ be ready–

“I’d say _stay_.” Kijoon paused, watching him, and then slowly reached over to lace their fingers together. “And _keep my heart with you_.”

Kyuhyun stared, a sudden ringing in his ears. Disbelief and denial announced themselves first—because it hadn't, it _couldn't_ have, just happened, only his brain playing desperate tricks one him—and this was why it took him a few seconds too long to realise that he was holding something between their fingers. A nervous smile flickered across Kijoon's face as he let go, leaving Kyuhyun staring numbly at his hand, where on the valley of his palm lay a key. 

“This…” The rest of the words were caught in his throat. “Is this…?”

“It’s me saying I want you to be part of my life,” the explanation came in a rush, riding on new flickers of hope, “and hoping that you will.”

“But you’re not sure,” Kyuhyun whispered, fear rising instinctively in the presence of so much hope. 

Kijoon held his gaze then, face open and emotions bared. “I am.” The quiet calm in his voice was a declaration—not a denial, not a challenge, only the simple, clear, unambiguous toll of certainty. 

“You’ll have to think about it of course,” Kijoon added after long seconds of Kyuhyun being too tongue-tied to give any kind of response. “In the meantime, just keep the key with you. And feel free to drop by anytime you want. Only if you want to, of course. And I’ll understand perfectly if you don’t. In which case, don’t hesitate to tell me because–”

It was this torrent of anxious babbles that finally kicked Kyuhyun out of his daze. He flung himself across the space between them and buried his face in Kijoon’s chest, arms coming around to anchor them together. 

“You're such an idiot sometimes,” Kyuhyun muttered, eyes tightly shut as he inhaled a deep, shaky breath. “Of course I will. It’s just– I don’t know how to– how to be brave or just not hiding anymore so please teach me because I’m not… and I don’t know what to do, I–”

A laugh rumbled deep in Kijoon's chest. “You took the first step, remember?” And he was kissing Kyuhyun's hair, stroking his head, _loving_ him. “If anything, I’m the one learning from you.”

Kyuhyun made a small, incredulous sound, somewhere between a huff and a laugh. “Yeah, right. You always seem so... _you_. Like the world and its problems cannot touch you and now you're telling me you're afraid?”

“Yes.” Kijoon’s smile still held the same resigned edge—except Kyuhyun saw now that resignation was not always the child of hopelessness. Sometimes, it came from another kind of surrender, and it could stand just as firmly as courage. “I'm fucking terrified, but thankfully not as terrified as I am of the alternative.”

“Which is?” 

“Taking the coward's way out and therefore losing you and regretting it for the rest of my life.”

It took a moment for the words to sink in, but they did. They unravelled painful knots in Kyuhyun’s chest, and then a smile found its way to his lips, and a laugh, and there was so much happiness in him that Kyuhyun couldn’t help but wonder if he would die from it.

“That sounds horrible,” he finally managed to say, still smiling so wide it felt like his face could split. “I suppose it’s my duty to save you from such a ghastly fate.” 

“Please do,” Kijoon answered gravely and these words were carried afloat by the same brightly burning hope. 

Kyuhyun didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the week.

  
**_End_**  
  



End file.
